FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
CARROLL ORGANIZATION ANNOUNCES RELEASE OF BABY 1.0
New addition increases family size by 50%, adds tax
exemption
Media contacts:
Terry Carroll: carroll@tjc.com
Lucy Luchun Carroll: lunchun_z@yahoo.com
SANTA CLARA, Calif. -- March 12, 2005 -- The Carroll Organization (the
Carrolls) today announced the release of its latest product, Baby 1.0.
Previously known under code names "Buffy" and "Snowpea," the Carrolls
revealed her official name as Madeleine Tairan Carroll ("Maddy").
Maddy represents the latest achievement of the Carroll Organization
since the Sino-American conglomerate was formed in 2001 by the merger
of the Carroll and Zhang organizations.
"We're very please with the end result," said Terry Carroll, Co-
President in charge of operations. "Maddy exceeds all
expectations,
and is without any doubt the most beautiful baby ever. All other
babies are ugly in comparison to Maddy."
"The production process was a challenge, but one that was well worth
it," said Lucy Carroll, Co-President in charge of manufacturing.
"We
have no doubt that Maddy will fulfill all our expectations as a
successful product." When asked if the Carrolls had plans for Baby
2.0, Ms. Carroll responded, "No comment."
Maddy's release is a product of an intensive nine-month manufacturing
process, which included personal challenges for everyone in the
organization. Most notably, the Carrolls had to relocate
headquarters
effective January 1 (see below for new address), in recognition of the
extra space that Maddy would require. Although Maddy's 2005
release
will result in some tax savings in this fiscal year, partially
offsetting the restructuring charge associated with the move, such
savings are not expected to be material in comparison with costs of
additional support, not to mention diapers.
A spokesman for the Carrolls said that Maddy is expected to be the
perfect child, rarely crying, obedient and devoted, and certainly never
breaking her parents' hearts. When pressed, the spokesman also
expressed a belief that there really is a Santa Claus, that UFOs are
real, and that the US Supreme Court decided the 2000 presidential
election without regard to politics.
The Carroll Organization expects to begin accepting qualified
applicants to date Maddy in March 2023, and not a day earlier.
SPECIFICATIONS (see notes):
- Length: 21 in (55 cm)
- Weight: 8 lbs., 9.4 oz. (3.9 kg)
- Date/Time of Release: March 12, 2005, 5:00 AM
- Astrological sign (Western): Pisces
- Astrological sign (Eastern): Rooster
- Beauty: 10 on conventional scale; in excess of 1,000
millihelens
- Toes: 10
- Fingers: 10 [1]
- Output: a lusty 170 decibels (dB) [2]
- Citizenship: US [3]
Notes:
[1] Finger specification based on conventional
counting, which includes
thumbs; may not be in compliance with RFC 1288.
[2] For comparison purposes only, normal conversation
is approximately
60 dB and a jet engine is approximately 120 dB.
[3] As a US citizen, Maddy will meet all
constitutional requirements
for the 2040 Presidential election. Interested political parties
are
advised to begin planning now.
Photos of Maddy will be made available at http://www.tjc.com/Maddy/
shortly, after the Co-President in charge of operations has had a
little sleep.
About the Carroll Organization: The Carroll Organization was formed in
March 2001 by the merger of Terry Carroll and Luchun Zhang (now Lucy
Luchun Carroll). It has recently relocated its headquarters to
1953
Beech Street, Santa Clara, California 95054.
"Madeleine Tairan Carroll" and "Maddy" are trademarks or registered
trademarks of the Carroll Organization in the United States and
throughout the world.
This release contains forward-looking statements within the meaning of
the safe harbor provisions of the Private Securities Litigation Reform
Act of 1995. Forward-looking statements include, but are not
limited
to, Maddy's future disposition. Such forward-looking statements
are
subject to certain assumptions, risks and uncertainties that could
cause actual results to differ materially from those set forth or
implied in the forward-looking statements.